Three years ago today, my life changed.
Heavily (and I mean HEAVILY) pregnant with baby T, three years ago today I went into labour. After a difficult pregnancy (where I was in pain most of the time) and a few false starts, it was an odd realisation that the little twinges I felt every seven then five minutes a part might be the start of the magic moment when I could finally meet my little child.
We didn't officially know if we were going to have a baby boy or baby girl. In my heart, I knew T was going to be a boy. About a year and a half before he was born, I had a vision... right before falling asleep...of my man and I cuddling. In this vision, he put his hand on my belly and felt the baby move around, and we knew he was going to be a boy. This was a few months after my man and I started dating, so this vision was premature - to say the least. And, throughout my pregnancy, the little guy knew he was a boy. He'd kick like mad in hardware stores and stay very still in 'girl stores' like Sephora.
March 11, 2008 was a bit odd. My man and I went to apply for my EI, then decided to stop by my brother's house to visit him and my niece. I remember experiencing a few twinges and thinking 'Nah, this can't be it. I'd have to be in more pain." Of course, this is after visiting the hospital a few times with false labour.
It was almost surreal, and I was in total denial. My brother and my man both suggested we go to the hospital. I laughed, saying that I we'd be sent right back home. But, the baby was due on March 9th... so..
During the long drive(well, at least it felt like a long drive) to the hospital, I started to call folks and leave messages on people's voicemail - indicating we were on our way, but that we'd likely be calling to follow-up to say we were back home again.
When we went to the maternity ward, the nurse took one look at me and said, "You're not in labour. You're not in enough pain." At that moment, I KNEW I was in labour (I had to prove her wrong), and sure enough, I was about six or seven centimetres dilated (much to her apologetic shock). So, I checked in and they wheeled me into the delivery room.
I had hoped my Mom and my man would be my birth coaches, but unfortunately, it didn't work out that way. My Mom was very sick with the flu and couldn't make it. So, my man and I decided that his sister would be my co-coach.
My birth plan was pretty simple. I wanted a natural birth, but I would be okay with anything as long as it resulted in a healthy baby. At first, it was okay. Then I started to enjoy laughing gas to take the sting off.
But, then the baby was in distress. There was meconium in my amniotic fluid and his pulse rate started to be higher than acceptable. The doctor's decided to have an emergency C-section. In my pain-filled haze, I signed an okay to get the procedure done.
I was wheeled into the operating room, and my man was there with me along (so much for him taking breaks). He held my hand and watched as our baby boy was born. I didn't know what was going on; all I knew was that someone was feeling around my belly. Then, at 2:15 am on March 12, 2008, I heard the most magical sound ever. My baby was crying. I asked if it was a boy or a girl. He was a boy, and he was healthy. Both my man and I cried. Then after the doctors and nurses worked their magic, my man let me hold our baby for the first time.
He was beautiful in a wrinkly old man kind of way. We started to ask him what he wanted to be called. He had a slight smile at T and winced at the other names we suggested, so baby T was named.
In my exhausted haze, I fell in love with him. And, I continue to fall in love with him a little more everyday. He is the best gift I've ever received, and I'm so thankful to be his Mom.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
News stories that caught my eye today
Back at work again, so I have greater exposure to news stories. Here are a few that caught my eye today. The first one still makes me weep when I watch it (lack of sleep = over emotional responses).
Man Proposes to Girlfriend in a TV Commercial
Galliano Fired from Christian Dior
Waiting to pee can help you make better decisions
Man Proposes to Girlfriend in a TV Commercial
Galliano Fired from Christian Dior
Waiting to pee can help you make better decisions
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Took the boy on an excursion today
The car is in the shop.
The car will be there until at least the end of work day tomorrow.
I miss my car.
However, I have an odd logic about things. I don't believe that any kid should spend the entire day in the house, unless they are very sick. So, even when the little guy is under the weather, I'll still drag him out for a little while, just so he can get some fresh air.
So what happens when my primary means of transportation is gone???
The house that we're building is in a very child-friendly community. We have playgrounds, coffee shops and stores in walking distance, so we can walk anywhere we need to go without necessarily being on high-traffic roads until we need to be.
Where we're living now - in my brother's basement - the only way to walk anywhere is to start on a main/heavy traffic street.
So today, I took a deep breath and decided I couldn't let the lack of vehicle and very close proximity to fun places stop us from getting out of the house and having a little adventure - specifically going to the nearby swimming pool.
The swimming pool is walking distance from where we're at, but the thought of going there with an almost three year old on a high-traffic route was a bit daunting. The thought of going to the pool in -16° C weather and carrying the accessories required was scary.
Then, I realised from my very sheltered viewpoint that Mommies do this every day. They pack up their little ones and either walk or take the bus to destinations - regardless of temperature or what they have to carry.
We did it. We walked about a half hour in bitterly cold temperatures to the swimming pool, where we played for about an hour and a half. Then we gathered our things, went for hot chocolate and a muffin, and took the bus home.
For me, it was a great accomplishment. Yes you can laugh at that statement. This very routine that other mothers do EVERYDAY. The Moms who do this all the time and make it look easy are my heroes. I think you’re amazing.
The car will be there until at least the end of work day tomorrow.
I miss my car.
However, I have an odd logic about things. I don't believe that any kid should spend the entire day in the house, unless they are very sick. So, even when the little guy is under the weather, I'll still drag him out for a little while, just so he can get some fresh air.
So what happens when my primary means of transportation is gone???
The house that we're building is in a very child-friendly community. We have playgrounds, coffee shops and stores in walking distance, so we can walk anywhere we need to go without necessarily being on high-traffic roads until we need to be.
Where we're living now - in my brother's basement - the only way to walk anywhere is to start on a main/heavy traffic street.
So today, I took a deep breath and decided I couldn't let the lack of vehicle and very close proximity to fun places stop us from getting out of the house and having a little adventure - specifically going to the nearby swimming pool.
The swimming pool is walking distance from where we're at, but the thought of going there with an almost three year old on a high-traffic route was a bit daunting. The thought of going to the pool in -16° C weather and carrying the accessories required was scary.
Then, I realised from my very sheltered viewpoint that Mommies do this every day. They pack up their little ones and either walk or take the bus to destinations - regardless of temperature or what they have to carry.
We did it. We walked about a half hour in bitterly cold temperatures to the swimming pool, where we played for about an hour and a half. Then we gathered our things, went for hot chocolate and a muffin, and took the bus home.
For me, it was a great accomplishment. Yes you can laugh at that statement. This very routine that other mothers do EVERYDAY. The Moms who do this all the time and make it look easy are my heroes. I think you’re amazing.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Freedom
I have a couple weeks off from work.
Unfortunately, the first week was spent being sick and tending to the needs of a sick child. The odd thing was that I didn't mind or notice that the week vanished with very little done. We were too busy sleeping and trying to get healthy. I had hoped to go to the zoo (one of T's favourite things in the world to do), go to the mountains and visit a few exhibits. Didn't do any of it. I figured when we felt healthier, we could go.
Now, we're still housebound, but in a different way. The clutch went on my car, and it will be repaired on Tuesday (Wednesday, at the latest I hope!). What does this mean? Once again, we'll be sitting still, or at the mercy of kindness from family for transportation.
It's funny. You don't realise how much you rely on your vehicle or value your ability to just pick up and go until you can't. As much as I enjoy being with my little guy at home - doing crafts, learning ABC's and 123's and playing with his toys - there's something confining about not being able to just go somewhere - to the grocery store, park etc.
There's a lack of freedom that I haven't experienced in a long time. Sure we could take the bus places, but the colder temperatures make it difficult to cart the little guy around. And, suddenly there's a lack of spontaneity. I can't just go grab a cup of coffee while the boys are gradually starting their morning. It's an odd, somewhat unsettling feeling. Thankfully, this lack of freedom is only temporary.
Unfortunately, the first week was spent being sick and tending to the needs of a sick child. The odd thing was that I didn't mind or notice that the week vanished with very little done. We were too busy sleeping and trying to get healthy. I had hoped to go to the zoo (one of T's favourite things in the world to do), go to the mountains and visit a few exhibits. Didn't do any of it. I figured when we felt healthier, we could go.
Now, we're still housebound, but in a different way. The clutch went on my car, and it will be repaired on Tuesday (Wednesday, at the latest I hope!). What does this mean? Once again, we'll be sitting still, or at the mercy of kindness from family for transportation.
It's funny. You don't realise how much you rely on your vehicle or value your ability to just pick up and go until you can't. As much as I enjoy being with my little guy at home - doing crafts, learning ABC's and 123's and playing with his toys - there's something confining about not being able to just go somewhere - to the grocery store, park etc.
There's a lack of freedom that I haven't experienced in a long time. Sure we could take the bus places, but the colder temperatures make it difficult to cart the little guy around. And, suddenly there's a lack of spontaneity. I can't just go grab a cup of coffee while the boys are gradually starting their morning. It's an odd, somewhat unsettling feeling. Thankfully, this lack of freedom is only temporary.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Entertainment v.s. Pleasure
Last night, I watched a bit of Eat, Pray, Love. ('A bit' reflects reality... as a Mom, I rarely watch a movie from start to finish. At least in one sitting).
A certain part resonated with me. I couldn't find the actual quotes from the movie, but I found these:
This got me thinking: Do we as a society spend too much time looking to be entertained (passive) vs. seeking pleasure (active)?
We become numbed by our hectic lives, don't get a chance to recharge and wonder why all we have the energy for is to be entertained. We've been running on that proverbial treadmill, unable to see and experience the everyday magic in our lives.
Earlier in the day, after a lovely spa-visit, my girlfriend and I drove by an area of town with fabulous shops. When we were in high school and university, it was exciting to wander around the area, explore the architecture, and experience the neighbourhood.
Now, I don't feel that same level of excitement. Are we becoming tainted? Have I experienced so much in my life that these things - these neighbourhoods - are being taken for granted? Am I being numbed to the magic that once surrounded my daily adventures?
After I watched that portion of the movie, I poured water for my little guy's bath. As the water was filling the tub, I ran my fingers through the water. I consciously experienced the moment - the slight pressure against my fingers as I swirled the water about.
And, it felt good. Really good.
I was conscious in the moment. Enjoying the sensation.
Perhaps that's the answer... Immerse yourself in the moment.
But, of course, the question is how? In our 'go-go' culture, how can the numbness evaporate and become feeling and pleasure?
A certain part resonated with me. I couldn't find the actual quotes from the movie, but I found these:
"Of course, we all inevitably work too hard, then we get burned out and have to spend the whole weekend in our pajamas, eating cereal straight out of the box and staring at the TV in a mild coma (which is the opposite of working, yes, but not exactly the same thing as pleasure)."
"Americans have an inability to relax into sheer pleasure.Ours is an entertainment seeking-nation, but not necessarily a pleasure-seeking one....This is the cause of that great sad American stereotype- the overstressed executive who goes on vacation, but who cannot relax."
This got me thinking: Do we as a society spend too much time looking to be entertained (passive) vs. seeking pleasure (active)?
We become numbed by our hectic lives, don't get a chance to recharge and wonder why all we have the energy for is to be entertained. We've been running on that proverbial treadmill, unable to see and experience the everyday magic in our lives.
Earlier in the day, after a lovely spa-visit, my girlfriend and I drove by an area of town with fabulous shops. When we were in high school and university, it was exciting to wander around the area, explore the architecture, and experience the neighbourhood.
Now, I don't feel that same level of excitement. Are we becoming tainted? Have I experienced so much in my life that these things - these neighbourhoods - are being taken for granted? Am I being numbed to the magic that once surrounded my daily adventures?
After I watched that portion of the movie, I poured water for my little guy's bath. As the water was filling the tub, I ran my fingers through the water. I consciously experienced the moment - the slight pressure against my fingers as I swirled the water about.
And, it felt good. Really good.
I was conscious in the moment. Enjoying the sensation.
Perhaps that's the answer... Immerse yourself in the moment.
But, of course, the question is how? In our 'go-go' culture, how can the numbness evaporate and become feeling and pleasure?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
McDonald's for dinner... again
Saturday... McDonald's
Tuesday...Wendy's
Wednesday (today)...McDonald's
Kinda... well extremely... gross.
After a long day at work, I need to figure out healthier 'fast food' alternatives. Not cool. No wonder I'm wearing stretchy pants.
And, I have to be cognisant that food and mood are linked. Recent research went as far as to indicate fast food was linked to depression. Of course, the question is... Is it the food? Or are people who take better care of themselves less prone to depression? Just a thought.
Tuesday...Wendy's
Wednesday (today)...McDonald's
Kinda... well extremely... gross.
After a long day at work, I need to figure out healthier 'fast food' alternatives. Not cool. No wonder I'm wearing stretchy pants.
And, I have to be cognisant that food and mood are linked. Recent research went as far as to indicate fast food was linked to depression. Of course, the question is... Is it the food? Or are people who take better care of themselves less prone to depression? Just a thought.
Monday, February 7, 2011
My boy is starting to remember the strangest things...
Lately, I've noticed that T is starting to remember...
Yes he knows Tuesday is library day, and he's memorised the route to the zoo, and he knows there is a Thomas table at Indigo/Chapters. He also recognises the logos for Starbucks, Phil and Sebastien and Second Cup (all places to go for his special treat - hot chocolate).
His memory is now becoming more sophisticated. Yesterday, he remembered he painted three items at the pottery place... a turtle, a pig and Daddy's special cup. I unwrapped the first two, and he asked "Where is Dad's cup?", something I was hoping to hide/save until Valentine's Day. Yes... we gave it to Dad early.
Then, while we were visiting my Mom today, I mentioned to Daddy that we needed more milk. We had almost arrived home when he said, "Mommy forgot milk." He got all upset because he realised we didn't get what we had planned on getting, so we drove to get milk.
He also told me all about his day at Sarah's house, saying, "I had fun at Sarah's house. I played. I played with blocks. I had song."
I know all Mom's say this... but it absolutely amazes me at how much he learns... and how much he remembers.
Yes he knows Tuesday is library day, and he's memorised the route to the zoo, and he knows there is a Thomas table at Indigo/Chapters. He also recognises the logos for Starbucks, Phil and Sebastien and Second Cup (all places to go for his special treat - hot chocolate).
His memory is now becoming more sophisticated. Yesterday, he remembered he painted three items at the pottery place... a turtle, a pig and Daddy's special cup. I unwrapped the first two, and he asked "Where is Dad's cup?", something I was hoping to hide/save until Valentine's Day. Yes... we gave it to Dad early.
Then, while we were visiting my Mom today, I mentioned to Daddy that we needed more milk. We had almost arrived home when he said, "Mommy forgot milk." He got all upset because he realised we didn't get what we had planned on getting, so we drove to get milk.
He also told me all about his day at Sarah's house, saying, "I had fun at Sarah's house. I played. I played with blocks. I had song."
I know all Mom's say this... but it absolutely amazes me at how much he learns... and how much he remembers.
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